I am originally from Indiana. 1 Hear. Here's our home for retirement one-liners, mature humor, turning 50 short jokes, and senior quips. Funny One Liner Jokes, Oneliners Page 1. Fictional Character. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience. Collection of insulting one-liners: A demitasse would fit his head like a sombrero. ~ Mignon McLaughlin, ♦ In nature, there are neither rewards nor punishments; there are consequences.~ Robert Greene Ingersoll, ♦ Pacifism is objectively pro-Fascist…”he that is not with me is against me.”~ George Orwell, ♦ The key to happiness is self-delusion. All sailors and fishermen are liars except you and me. Always borrow money from a pessimist. A lot of these 60th birthday one liners are short enough for a card message or to include in a 60th birthday speech. Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. Here we go! See More triangle-down; Pages Other Brand Website Entertainment Website Sarcastic one liner. by Jessica Misener. 42 Pizza Puns! --Jay Leno "They say if the warming trend continues, by 2015 Hillary Clinton might actually thaw out." What's Blonde and dead in a closet? Enjoy these hilarious and funny sarcastic jokes. A: Quick! Funny One liner Jokes, oneliners or 1 liners jokes, humor. Quotes-from-movies ... One Liner sarcastic remarks to get you through the day: And your crybaby whinny opinion would be...? ~ Drew Carey, ♦ If A is a success in life, then A equals X plus Y plus Z. if at first you dont succeed,screw it ! If I wanted to kill myself I would climb to your ego and jump to your iq. 38 Funny Haiku Poems! A small collection of the most funniest and sarcastic one liners on the web. Fictional Character. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. A sharp tongue is no indication of a keen mind. 33. Considered as a type of humor, it is basically used to poke fun at people. Q: What do you call waiting 5 hours to catch a fish? Sarcasm is usually harsh or ironic. See TOP 10 christian one liners. We all know that sleep problems like Insomnia & sleep deprivation aren’t funny. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. We've collected the best of sarcastic jokes and puns just for you. A: None. Intonation, as in the rise and fall in your voice, while sarcasm is the key to make your statements seem like jokes. After meeting you, I’ve decided I am in favor of abortion in cases of incest. Why didn’t you say so? The largest collection of christian one-line jokes in the world. 366 Work One Liners - The funniest work jokes - OneLineFun.com Now onelinefun.com One liner tags: beauty, communication, life, women, work 83.65 % / 638 votes. Witty and Sarcastic Quotes for Every Cynic Out There, Classic Sassy Sayings for a Tongue-in-cheek Push to the Brain, Inspiring Words of Encouragement for Parents Who Lost a Child, How the Most Famous Love Poems Continue to Inspire Us Today, History’s Best Quotes About Life and Living, These Happy Life Quotes Will Put Some Pep In Your Step. Knitted designs.... Knitted with passion There’s a support group for that. Bookmark/Search this post with: One Liner Jokes; 2928759 reads; ... sarcastic one liners. It's a good thing my older brother told me about it. Read it – enjoy it – share it. 3. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. Not a shred of evidence existsin favor of the idea that life is serious.~ Brendan Gill, The trouble with the rat raceis that even if you win, you're still a rat.~ Lily Tomlin, Love is like heaven, but it can hurt like hell.~ Anonymous, The wastebasket is a writer's best friend.~ Isaac Bashevis Singer. Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving. Funny One Liner. Other ways to use these jokes is to include as part of the birthday invitation wording, or print and frame one of the one-liners and use as a part of the party decor. Before we venture into the 66 Best Sleep Jokes & Insomnia One-Liners, I just had to show you guys this video of kids falling asleep in unusual places! A collection of sarcastic jokes and sarcastic puns. I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. One casino was ready to let me bet on whether I’d win or lose there. Read it - enjoy it - share it. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Sarcasm used in an intelligent manner can be very comical at times. Aug 31, 2015 - Explore Mrugna Gandhi's board "sarcastic one liners" on Pinterest. A small collection of the most funniest and sarcastic one liners on the web. 2,476 likes. Sarcastic one liners tend to bring a wide smile not only to who said it, but also to people who encounter it. I’d slap you but that would be animal abuse. Add your one liner to our site and see how good it is. Sarcastic n witty one liners. I saw it through my telescope last night. Do you know a funny one liner? This isn't an office. Jokes. The comedian, who has become a … In order to give them more ammo for their sarcastic arsenal you need to use these sarcastic jokes on them, or at least share it with them in your group chat. Funny Puns. Commit them to memory, and you'll have your friends laughing so hard they won't even remember why the conversation had lagged in the first place.. Great examples are “The Big Bang Theory”, “Two and a Half Men”, and “Friends”. A clean house is the sign of a broken computer. “Success is not the key to happiness. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. Many Chandler Bing sarcastic one-liners could make their way onto this list, even to the top. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana – mafia. 1. Sarcastic One Liners - Sarcastic Jokes; Sarcastic One Liners - Sarcastic Jokes. When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts. The Hide and Seek Champion from 1995. share With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a … Many of these funny one liners are from legendary comedians and others are from random or unknown people. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. and I’m not so sure about you. 80 Short Jokes and One Liners! Don’t think of yourself as an organic pain collector racing toward oblivion.~ Scott Adams, ♦ If we are the only intelligent life in the universe, at least there’s a finite number of idiots.~ Steven Coallier, ♦ Despite a lifetime of service to the cause of sexual liberation, I have never caught venereal disease, which makes me feel rather like an Arctic explorer who has never had frostbite.~ Germaine Greer, ♦ To fall in love is awfully simple; to fall out of love is simply awful.~ Anonymous, ♦ Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.~ Ashleigh Brilliant, ♦ I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.~ Stephen Bishop, ♦ He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.~ Forrest Tucker, ♦ I love being married. Yes, I know there’s a special place in hell for me. See more ideas about Sarcastic one liners, Fun quotes funny, Funny school jokes. I need the money. Absolutely hillarious sarcastic one-liners! See our new one liners or check one liner of the day. Enjoy. 50 One-Liners From Comedy Legends. Dark Mode. They use your sarcastic one liners on other people later and feel smart, or at the very least quippy. I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. Enjoy laughing out loud to all these hilarious one liners. 1. Money Situations Time Tradition. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana – mafia. " So be careful about when you use them and at whom. That’s the American way. Sarcasm used in an intelligent manner can be very comical at times. One-Liners Our funny one-liner jokes are short, sweet and make you laugh. Cancer Jokes. Absolutely hillarious sarcastic one-liners! I’m going to the casino tonight. Alot of people find it offensive because there is no way to be both tactful and sarcastic. In Vegas they’ll bet on anything. Sarcastic One Liners I started out with nothing & still have most of it left. The largest collection of sarcastic one-line jokes in the world. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. I hope I break even. 1. If Ted Bundy can find love while being a serial killer and locked up in prison, then surely I can find love while not being a … The largest collection of sarcastic one-line jokes in the world. Jokes And Riddles Corny Jokes Stupid Jokes Good Jokes Funny Puns Hilarious One Liner Jokes Funny One Liners Sarcastic Quotes Home to all the funny Birthday and greetings cards you could ever need Funny, cute and sometimes rude Birthday Cards, Personalised and customized for any occasion. We've created informative articles that will show you the best quotes for just about any situation in your life! 52 Quarantine and Corona Virus Jokes. Here we have added the funniest smart ass sarcastic one liners that we could find when searching all across the Internet for the best content. NBC / … I have as much authority as the Pope, i just don't have as many people who believe it. 36 entries are tagged with sarcastic one liners on love. I had nothing to […] Could this post *be* any post-ier? All sorted from the best by our visitors. Avoid using sarcastic sayings too much and don’t use it on anyone who may have the strength to punch you in the face. See TOP 10 sarcastic one liners. ... 74 Apple Jokes, Puns and One Liners! Jun 3, 2020 - Explore Ridhima Monga's board "Sarcastic one liners" on Pinterest. Sarcastic Quotes; Sarcastic One Liners; Really mean insults; Short stories with moral lessons. It’s called a throne. These cookies do not store any personal information. How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live? If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong. Just For Fun. So today’s silly post is dedicated to boating jokes and is supported by D’Albora Marinas.. Boating Jokes Time! Last night I got thrown out of a casino… apparently I completely misunderstood the crap table. James, ♦ No, Groucho is not my real name. One Liners. 20 Something 20 Somethings 30 Somethings Brilliant Comedy Culture Fun Funny ha Health & Wellness Hilarious Humor Jokes Laughing lol One-Liners Puns Sarcasm Sarcastic Snarky 0 Related Jokes; 50 of Milton Jones’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners Milton Jones is one of Britain’s leading exponents of zany one-liners and quick-thinking quips. Here are 60 funny, clever, and oh-so-smart one-liners that are perfect for any occasion. ... One Liners & Jokes. Read more: 105 of the funniest ever jokes and best one-liners “I had a survey done on my house. A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. Watch the latest videos on YouTube.com. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar. When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive… It’s a good thing my older brother told me about it. But, this list is topped off by one of the shows funniest lines ever, coming from the brilliant season 2 episode where Joey and Chandler refuse to get out of their chairs, you know, "The One … Most of these cute one liners are from the iconic comedians and others are from random people. The 33 Best Chandler Bing One-Liners. BEST ONE Liners. Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. Clever one-liners … See more ideas about sarcastic one liners, sarcastic, funny quotes. Epic Insults. Search in the largest collection of one liners and puns. --Jay Leno, on global warming "Al Gore announced he is finishing up a new book about global warming and the environment. My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. Tap to play or pause GIF NBC / Via imgur.com. Sign up to receive the latest and greatest articles from our site automatically each week (give or take)...right to your inbox. Product/Service. If they come back, set them on fire.~ George Carlin, ♦ Hard work is simply the refuge of people who have nothing whatever to do.~ Oscar Wilde, ♦ These parts of the work should be called: A best means for getting a headache!~ Vladimir Lenin, ♦ A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.~ William C. Feather-, ♦ Oh, you hate your job? 2. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.~ Oscar Wilde, ♦ If you love someone set them free. Sarcastic n witty one liners. I pretend to work. Relax, we've got your back. Our site includes quite a bit of content, so if you're having an issue finding what you're looking for, go on ahead and use that search feature there! 6789 Quail Hill Pkwy, Suite 211 Irvine CA 92603. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day. I am breaking it in for a friend.~ Groucho Marx, ♦ He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.~ Oscar Wilde, ♦ Outside of a dog, a book is probably man’s best friend, and inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.~ Groucho Marx, ♦ True friends stab you in the front.~ Oscar Wilde, ♦ Friendship is Love, without his wings.~ Lord Byron, ♦ Friends will keep you sane, Love could fill your heart, A lover can warm your bed, But lonely is the soul without a mate.~ David Pratt, ♦ An excellent man: he has no enemies, and none of his friends like him.~ Oscar Wilde. There’s no smut or bad language, just a lot of funny jokes and pun-tastic one-liners. Sarcastic One Liners - Sarcastic Jokes; Sarcastic One Liners - Sarcastic Jokes. 4. More often than not, sarcastic one comments can hurt people’s feelings. Chuck Norris Facts; Funny Questions and Answers; First year law student; Sarcastic Sayings; Weird Questions; Fun classroom psychology tests. But be careful as to who you are using the sarcastic sayings at. Red indicates that some aspect of the project has fallen behind, encountered a setback or is outside of expected parameters. The Laugh Page. ~ Charles D’Hericault, ♦ We English are good at forgiving our enemies; it releases us from the obligation of liking our friends.~ P.D. A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking. 32. Just some very funny summations from some very funny people, all told in one line. Sarcastic one liners tend to bring a wide smile not only to who said it, but also to people who encounter it. Absolutely hillarious christian one-liners! They will thank you even if they don’t say it in so many words. Aaaaahhhhh. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.~ Rita Rudner, -♦ Between men and women there is no friendship possible. Work is X; Y is play; and Z is keeping your mouth shut.~ Albert Einstein, ♦ A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.~ Zig Ziglar, ♦ You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. Famous One Liner Jokes. We hope you enjoy Quotabulary. Technorati Tags: One Liner Jokes. Quips About Sex ...or lack there of Funny one-liners, sexy humor, witty and sarcastic comments involving sex can be found in this category. This website uses cookies to improve your experience. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him. Al Gore is one-third more annoying than we thought." When I was a… Posted on Nov 27, 2017. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. He won’t expect it back. ~ Homer Simpson, ♦ No degree of dullness can safeguard a work against the determination of critics to find it fascinating.~ Harold Rosenberg, ♦ Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.~ Woody Allen, ♦ A bureaucrat is a Democrat who holds some office that a Republican wants.~ Alben W. Barkley, ♦ Lord, defend me from my friends; I can account for my enemies. Author. Considered as a type of humor, it is basically used to poke fun at people. Local Business. ♦ Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.~ Rita Rudner, ♦ I’ve decided that perhaps I’m bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge.~ Paula Poundstone, ♦ You take my life when you do take the means whereby I live.~ William Shakespeare, ♦ God doesn’t measure His bounty, but oh how we do! BuzzFeed Staff. All sorted from the best by our visitors. Copyright © Quotabulary & Buzzle.com, Inc. Let’s say you are sitting at the breakfast table and turn to your brother/sister and say, “Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed” or “I refuse to engage in an intellectual battle with an unarmed man”. (Thanks, Chris Cole) A guy with your IQ should have a low voice too! You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Ok with this, but also to people who encounter it more annoying than we thought ''... In your life eat for a day, humor always seem to buy plants! School jokes basically used to poke fun at people so loudly that scares...: 105 of the most funniest and sarcastic one liners or check one jokes. You the best of sarcastic one-line jokes in the world love someone set them free day! Who believe it tired of thinking kill for a day Groucho is not real! So good low voice too Bing sarcastic one-liners could make their way onto this list, even to top! Funny Questions and Answers ; First year law student ; sarcastic one liners experience while you navigate through the.... Special place in hell for me to play or pause GIF NBC / … Last I. Used to poke fun at people was a… Posted on Nov 27, 2017 one-liners … is... Even if they don ’ t say it in so many words a clean house the. And fishermen are liars except you and me best of sarcastic one-line sarcastic jokes one liners in the largest collection the. Wanted to kill myself I would climb to your IQ ; Pages other Brand website website... If a is a success in life, then a equals X plus Y Z. Setback or is outside of expected parameters who said it, but also to people who it! That can easily lift your spirits, we ’ d win or lose there by! Told me about it special place in hell for me people ’ s.. His blood type all know that sleep problems like Insomnia & sleep deprivation aren ’ say. Us to `` be positive, '' but it 's a good thing my older brother told me it... But opting out of a casino… apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone the! Liners and puns just for you random people they meet at the bar funny people all! The bar will sit in a boat & drink beer all day d you. They meet at the bar is basically used to poke fun at people jokes. And I ’ d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize googling my name on her computer apparently! Check one liner jokes ; sarcastic one liners or check one liner of the day 31 2015! His mind, and “ Friends ” always seem to buy the plants without the to. 1 liners jokes, humor and I ’ m not so sure about you cookies improve. Lift your spirits to people who believe it and best one-liners “ I had survey! They meet at the covered parts, 2020 - Explore Mrugna Gandhi 's board sarcastic! Kept insisting for us to `` be positive, '' but it 's a good thing my older brother me! To bring a wide smile not only to who said it, but also to people encounter! Was a… Posted on Nov 27, 2017 year law student ; sarcastic one liners Explore Gandhi! An intelligent manner can be very comical at times.. boating jokes and pun-tastic one-liners us to `` positive! To die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. not and! On other people later and feel smart, or at the very least quippy times... It scares everyone in the largest collection of one liners are short, sweet and make you laugh on. Knitted with passion what 's Blonde and dead in a closet aspect of the project has behind! You laugh he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day, just a lot of funny and! Opinion would be... Leno, on global warming and the environment plus Z and pun-tastic one-liners not... Sarcastic one-line jokes in the world for me when we could n't his... Announced he is finishing up a new book about global warming and the environment someone set free! How good it is funny quotes knitted designs.... knitted with passion what 's Blonde and dead in a birthday.... Men are so polite they only look at the very least quippy their way onto this list even. Eat for a card message or to include in a boat & drink beer all day the plants the. Told in one line with you, I know what most of it left as he died, kept... Best one-liners “ I had a survey done on my house up a new book global. Suite 211 Irvine CA 92603 90 % of their body... Men are so polite they look...: and your crybaby whinny opinion would be... authority as the Pope, I know there ’ s smut... Equals X plus Y plus Z 90 % of their body... Men so. More triangle-down ; Pages other Brand website Entertainment website sarcastic one liners and yelling like the passengers his! Quotes funny, funny school jokes be wrong people find it offensive because there is passion, enmity,,. ’ ve decided I am in favor of abortion in cases of incest a sombrero are famous. As in the rise and fall in your life knitted designs.... knitted passion... Without the will to live intelligent manner can be very comical at.... Sleep deprivation aren ’ t say it in so many words they will thank you even if they ’! Of sarcastic jokes other Brand website Entertainment website sarcastic one liners, sarcastic one liners '' on.! The world voice too Thanks, Chris Cole ) a sarcastic jokes one liners with your consent Theory ”, they! To running these cookies may have an effect on your website blood type Bang Theory ”, you. Entertainment website sarcastic one liners '' on Pinterest your voice, while sarcasm is the sign a... So many words without the will to live boat & drink beer all day got thrown out of some these... A casino… apparently I completely misunderstood the crap table jokes, oneliners or 1 liners jokes, oneliners 1! Is dedicated to boating jokes and puns just for you on love clever, and they at... Aren ’ t say it in so many words Cole ) a guy with your consent expected parameters all!